Grape Squeeze

I learned a new word last week. While casting about for ideas for my blog I decided to try doing a Google search for Consumer Trends in 2012. In addition to telling me that we are moving to a cashless society and that people are going to be depending more and more on their mobile devices for everything (no duh) I also came across the term flawsome. Consumers in 2012 would like their merchants to be flawsome, and in some cases they also want their purchases to be flawsome. A quick search of Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary suggested that I had misspelled the word. Was I perhaps looking for ‘fashion’ or ‘fascism’ the dictionary wanted to know? Or perhaps I had wanted ‘fish meal’ or a ‘flasher’. Ah no, on all counts. So I did what one does in situations like this, I consulted urbandictionary.com. I know, I know. Old people like me are not supposed to know that this little online wealth of shocking new words exists but I do. I found it while Googling to try to figure out what the heck one of my hip friends’ Facebook statuses meant. So, according to the Urban Dictionary, flawsome is an adjective used to describe ‘something that is totally awesome, but not without its flaws’. I like it. Flawsome is a concept I can work with.

Dusty but Tasty

An awesome retail merchant but not without flaws… what does this mean? How does that apply? Upon further Googling, it seems like the word flawsome when applied in a business environment could also be loosely translated as a merchant with integrity. This would be us always doing our best to be the best we can be but admitting it if we sometimes don’t get it exactly right. Now is the part of the story when I confess that this Christmas our store ran out of Bailey’s Irish Cream liqueur. What can I say? My crystal ball was in the shop and my cognitive forecasting of inventory requirements to get us through the season was inaccurate. I realize that this can be annoying and potentially frustrating to our customers, the staff, and my boss… so for that I humbly ask forgiveness.

What about flawsome products? Are we really okay with spending our hard earned dollars to get a product that is less than perfect? I’m not so sure but I suppose it depends on what the acquisition is. I’d be willing to forgive a funny little eccentricity if I’d purchased a pet or a handmade pair of socks but I’m not so sure I would be as dismissive of charming quirks in an electronic device or an expensive item of clothing. ‘Oh yes, this iPhone is great and it even emits a high-pitched squeal every time I talk to my mother’ or ‘Yeah, I love this dress and the safety pins holding it together add the exact edgy element I was looking for’. Probably not.

What about wine? I will be so bold as to state that when someone purchases a bottle of wine he or she would like it to taste good. A slight flaw in a bottle of wine can make it more interesting by adding character and depth, but when the bottle is defective to the point where enjoyment is impossible it’s time to get your money back. There is a difference between simply not liking the flavours of a wine and finding a bottle that obviously has something wrong with it. There is also a distinction between a wine flaw and a wine fault. If a wine is flawed it is technically imperfect but in such a minor way that the average wine drinker would not detect the variance, meaning that the wine is drinkable and even enjoyable. If a wine is faulty the flaw is so pronounced that it becomes the dominant characteristic of the wine and renders it undrinkable. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if your bottle of wine is flawed but a wine fault will be fairly obvious. Here is a list of the most common flaws and faults in wine and what they smell like so that you will know what they are and when enough is just enough before it becomes too much.

Cork Taint Culprits

TRICHLOROANISOLE 2,4,6 – also known as TCA or Cork Taint.

You will recognize wines affected by TCA because they will have a distinct musty smell that is reminiscent of wet cardboard or a damp basement. TCA will also strip a wine of its characteristic fruity wine-like aromas. The main cause of this fault is the interaction between natural airborne fungi found in some cork and chlorophenol compounds which are sometimes present in pesticides and preservatives as well as the bleaching solutions used to sterilize corks before they are used to seal wine. It is the most common wine fault with an estimated 7% (statistic quoted from Wine Spectator Magazine) of all bottles of wine affected to some degree. Thankfully, TCA is harmless when consumed. There are methods of removing it from faulty wine however in the interest of prevention many wineries have embraced alternative methods such as synthetic corks or screw caps to seal their bottles.

OXIDATION – also known as Madeirization. Wine that has been oxidized will smell like cooked fruit, Sherry, or walnuts. It will also be brownish in colour. This can be caused by a range or combination of problems such as faulty corks that improperly seal the wine and allow air into the bottle, over ripe fruit at the time of harvest, or insufficient use of sulphur dioxide as a preservative. Oxidized wine poses no health threats but there is also no redeeming it, so open another bottle instead.

Barrels of Brett

BRETTANOMYCES – also known as Brett.

There are several typical aromas associated with the presence of Brett in a wine; they are akin to Band-Aids, sweaty horses or saddles, barnyard manure, cloves, and bacon. Brett most often affects barrel aged red wines. Indeed, many of the aromas listed above are expected and even welcomed in certain wine styles and when they are present in small, controlled amounts they add great complexity and interest to the glass. However, it is when the presence of Bretty characteristics take over and dominate the other aromas and flavours of the wine that it should be considered a fault. Brettanomyces is a specific strain of yeast that grows naturally on fruit but it becomes a problem in the winery when barrels become contaminated with it. Because the inside of wine barrels provide the ideal environment for its growth, Brett, once established in a winery, is difficult to get rid of. Meticulous winemaking practices are therefore mandatory in order to prevent the spread of the yeast. The addition of sulphur dioxide to the wine helps to control the growth of Brettanomyces yeast cells in the bottle.

ETHYL ACETATE – also known as Volatile Acidity or VA. Wines that contain an excess of ethyl acetate will introduce themselves to you with vinegary or acetone aromas reminiscent of paint thinner or nail polish remover. VA is caused when certain strains of undesirable yeasts and specific kinds of bacteria interact with the good acetic acid naturally found in fruit to transform it into ethyl acetate. Because white wines contain higher concentrations of acetic acid, VA occurs there more often than it does in red wines. VA in small quantities, though seen as a flaw, can enrich the fruitiness of the wine, however once it crosses the threshold into faulty territory the best remedy is to discard the bottle and begin with a new one. Ethyl acetate is mildly toxic and certainly not enjoyable if ingested, but it would take a significant amount to make a person ill.

SULPHUR DIOXIDE or HYDROGEN SULPHIDE. Sulphur dioxide is a gas compound which is used as an additive in wine to act as a preservative and antioxidant and prevent other means of spoilage from taking place. If too much sulphur dioxide is used then the wine can take on a distinct burnt matchstick or burnt rubber aroma. While sulphur dioxide in small doses is harmless, it is considered poisonous in copious quantities. Hydrogen sulphide, on the other hand, is an invisible gas that can be a byproduct of yeast fermentation in an environment that lacks nitrogen. It is most readily detected by a rotten egg or rotting garlic smell. Hydrogen sulphide gas is dangerous and very poisonous. Therefore if you open a bottle of wine and note any sort of sulphurous smell coming from it, dump the liquid down the drain and choose another bottle to open instead.

I don’t like to end this story on that solemn doom and gloom note; somehow it doesn’t seem right. It also doesn’t seem right to tell you that there are several more wine faults that I could mention but since they are fairly rare, I won’t bother you with them. Would it be all right if we said that this will be one more thing that makes me so flawsome? I can deliver the bad news without a silver lining every single time.

Buying a defective bottle of wine is a huge pain. I’m not going to downplay that, especially when you carefully select and purchase it for an important occasion or to go with a special meal. People don’t always have a back up bottle lying around and it can mean a trip back to the wine shop or that you will need to make do without wine (which quite frankly is nearly unimaginable). However, returning a defective bottle is exactly what you should do. Always obtain a receipt with your wine purchase and then if there is anything wrong with it you can take it back to the store from which you bought it. Any merchant worth their business license will refund your money, exchange the bottle for a fresh one, or recommend something different that would be just as suitable. If you are served a faulty bottle in a restaurant it is much easier to send it back. That is what the little wine ceremony after the server presents you with your bottle is for, so sniff and sample seriously. The person who orders the wine is responsible to make sure that his or her guests are not poisoned with a tainted bottle so take this important task to heart and champion the health and wellbeing of your loved ones! Of course, you should never return or send back a bottle of wine just because you don’t like the flavours, but if the wine contains a fault you have every right to expect it to be replaced with a sound bottle.

Anyone recognize this Dude?

Despite the aforementioned, please be of good cheer my friends! As we enter the New Year and continue to trudge towards a cashless existence that is über dependent on our mobile devices, we need have no fear of the wine bottle. We know that most wine is perfectly fine and with continued advances in winemaking standards and quality, faulty wine bottles will soon go the way of the legendary Sasquatch. We can be pretty sure that they don’t exist even though some people will insist that they do. Hopefully we will never, ever see a real one, yet we would take notice and be intrigued if someone we know claims that they have actually encountered one first hand.